Metal Gear: Corner of 18th and G
by Ryu-BOF
Summary: This story takes place with the Metal Gear group living at an apartment complex. It's pretty stupid, but what other way should it be? R&R WEE! CHAPTER 8 IS UP! :P
1. Raiden goes to Hospital

Chapter 1  
  
Snake kicks down the front door, gun drawn, and enters the room. The room is part of a medium sized apartment and Snake is using infiltration tactics to enter. Suddenly, a blonde guy opens a door and looks at Snake with a startled look. Snake fires, striking him in the left shoulder and making him fall to the floor.  
  
Raiden: (Moaning) Ahhh! Snake. what the hell?  
  
Snake: Oh, uh.. Sorry kid. (Pulls out a tissue and starts wiping his Socom. Then he hands it to Raiden) Um. If the cops ask, you did it.  
  
Raiden: I DID IT?!?  
  
Snake: Yup. And I found you when I got out of the shower.  
  
Raiden (Moaning more): They'll never believe it. You're still dry.  
  
Snake: (winks at Raiden) See ya in ten minutes.  
  
Snake leaves Raiden with the Socom in his hands and bleeding on the floor. About two minutes later, Raiden starts to pass out. Just then, Hal Emmerich enters the apartment and closes the door behind him.  
  
Hal: (surprised) Raiden?  
  
Raiden: W-w-what?  
  
Hal: (annoyed) Snake got bored again? This is the third time this month.  
  
Raiden: Can you call an ambulance..Please?  
  
Hal (observing Jack more): He really nailed you that time. Last time he just got your lower leg.  
  
Raiden: Yeah I know, call an ambulance.  
  
Hal: Ok.(thinking quickly). We'll tell 'em you were cleaning your gun. and you accidentally shot yourself.  
  
Raiden passes out.  
  
Hal (Picks up phone and dials emergency): Yeah, we have an accid-  
  
Hospital guy: Again!? I'll send someone immediately.  
  
Hal (Hangs up phone.): Ah, caller ID. don't even have to tell 'em where to go now that we're regulars.  
  
The door knocks and the person doesn't wait to come in. The man has ghostly white skin and jet black hair. It is slicked back and when he smiles at Hal, Hal sees the vampire teeth. Hal shutters.  
  
Hal: Don't smile at me like that Vamp! It creeps me out. Snake says you're a little off center.  
  
Vamp: Oh sorry. won't happen again.  
  
Hal: Besides, when did you get a job as a paramedic?  
  
Vamp: Paramedic? .Oh, yeah! Where is he?  
  
Hal (Pointing): Right there on the floor. You know, the guy bleeding on my carpet.  
  
Vamp: Ok, call the hospital later. He should be there. (Vamp reaches down and flings Raiden over his shoulder.)  
  
Hal: Shouldn't you use a stretcher?  
  
Vamp: Nah, this is faster. Oh, sorry about your sister. Been meaning to tell you that.  
  
Hal: Don't worry about it. Things happen. See ya when Raiden shoots himself again.  
  
Vamp: All right, bye.  
  
Vamp leaves quickly and Hal hears a car peel out. Snake comes out of the shower in a towel. His hair is wet and dripping. He has a look of surprise when he just sees the puddle of blood on the floor and no Raiden.  
  
Snake: Blood?... Raiden?... Where?  
  
Hal: The paramedic came and took him. Did you know that Vamp became one?  
  
Snake: No he didn't! He has the hospital scanner and that butcher shop.  
  
Hal: Are you sure?!?  
  
Snake: No wait. That's just the butcher guy who has the hospital scanner. 


	2. Snake watchin' Hamtaro

Chapter 2  
  
That same night, Snake is watching television while sitting in a recliner. Otacon is on his computer, playing games and surfing the internet. Snake is watching cartoons when someone knocks at the front door. Hal goes to answer it.  
  
Hal (opens door and sees who it is): Hi Fortune! It's been a while, what do you need?  
  
Fortune: Oh, it's just a small thing I want.  
  
Hal: So you don't want us to kill you?  
  
Fortune: Otacon, you're an idiot! I've given up on dying. I realized that when my mom killed herself, it wasn't worth getting all sad about. Shoot, I'm actually glad I don't have a kid now, and my dad was a jerk! I was never able to stay out as long as I wanted to.  
  
Snake: Shut up! I'm trying to watch something in here! (Snake pops another beer and starts watching his cartoons again. Nearly inaudible giggles can be heard coming from him)  
  
Fortune (whispering): How long has he been like that?  
  
Hal: What do you mean? He's always like that, watching cartoons and such.  
  
Fortune: (pointing) Just look at what he's watching!  
  
Hal looks at the television and he sees hoards of cute, little anime hamsters. They are all inside a little tree-house club and they are all listening to a slightly larger hamster who is wearing a hard-hat. They all seem to be doing some dance.  
  
Hal: . That's. Hamtaro!  
  
Fortune: Whato?  
  
Hal: It's a crazy show for kids. Hey, Snake, what's up?  
  
Snake: Shhh!! Leave me alone! . Wait, while you're up, can you get me a beer?  
  
Hal (handing Snake a cold one): Here you go. Hey Snake. Snake! Look at me.  
  
Snake peels his eyes from the TV.  
  
Hal: We have company.  
  
Snake: Hi Fortune.  
  
Fortune: Snake, we meet again at last!  
  
Snake: What are you talking about, we've been neighbors in this run-down apartment complex for two years! Hal, have you seen my Socom around?  
  
Hal: I think Raiden still has it. That reminds me, aren't we supposed to call the hospital to see if he's ok?  
  
Snake/Fortune: .  
  
Hal: Snake, please think of Olga. What do you think she would think if she found out her kid died because of the Patriots?  
  
Snake: I don't think Olga cares.  
  
Suddenly a knock on the door. Snake peels himself off of his recliner and gets it, because Hal and Fortune are already sitting down and Otacon made Snake a deal that if he got the door at least once a day, he would continue Snake's internet porn subscription.  
  
Snake: I knew it would be you.  
  
Olga: Hi to you to, Snake. I do care about my kid.  
  
Snake: Wait, how'd you know I said that?  
  
Hal: Snake, what are you talking about? We argued that she had hidden surveillance cameras strategically positioned in our apartment.  
  
Snake: And this just proves I was right on.  
  
Hal (sighs): Snake, I was the one who found the camera, not you.  
  
Snake (stares at Hal): . Wait, you're right. My bad.  
  
Olga: Fortune, what are you doing here?  
  
Fortune: Oh yeah, I was here for something. Now I cant remember.  
  
Snake: Can you guy's go in the kitchen, you're killin' my buzz!  
  
Hal walks into the kitchen with the eyes of Fortune and Olga following him. He returns shortly with a bottle of imported Vodka.  
  
Hal (whispers to Olga): Sorry, but it will shut him up if he gets to drink some of his hard stuff. Maybe he'll pass out or something.  
  
Olga: But I gave that to you guys for Christmas!  
  
Hal: Olga, do you really think it would have lasted that long.  
  
Olga: Well, actually, I'm surprised that it's lasted this long.  
  
Hal: It was the only thing left in our booze cabinet. I need to make a run tomorrow for Snake.  
  
Snake: Fortune, have you heard from Vamp? He claims to be a "paramedic" and captures people and takes them back to his butcher shop. He also has a Hospital radio scanner.  
  
Hal: Snake, you said earlier that it was just the butcher guy with a hospital scanner.  
  
Snake: Right, what did I say? 


	3. The Surveillance Camera

Chapter 3  
  
Fortune finally realizes what she wanted and got it (cup of sugar). The evening is finally wrapping up and Olga left.  
  
Snake: Damn. . . I won't stop until I get her to say that she has us under surveillance.  
  
Hal: Why don't you just use your stealth camo and see what she's doing. Maybe find a camera receiver or something.  
  
Snake: No!  
  
Hal: Why not?  
  
Snake: (slyly) Why don't we put cameras in her place?  
  
Hal: Whoa, there is no "we" in this, I'm just giving you some ideas.  
  
Snake: (devilishly) Hmm. . . Maybe I'll do that tomorrow, when she leaves for work.  
  
Snake grabs the nearly empty bottle of vodka and finishes it off.  
  
Snake: Otacon, I'm off to bed. Maybe we should call the hospital tomorrow so I can get my Socom back.  
  
Hal: Okay Snake. Lets get your Socom back tomorrow.  
  
Snake leaves off to his room, and soon after, loud snoring can be heard coming from it. Hal looks around and creeps to his pc. He moves his mouse and clicks on an icon. A video feed is seen on his screen and an apartment is seen.  
  
Hal: Heheh. . . Come on out Olga.  
  
Nothing is to be seen for about ten minutes, and then he can hear a baby crying. Nobody is going to help it either. Suddenly, the door is knocked down, and Olga has her gun drawn and pointed at Hal.  
  
Olga: Clever. Making me think that Snake was interested in putting surveillance in my apartment.  
  
Hal: (clearing throat) Uh. . . He actually was going to throw a camera into your apartment, but I talked him out of it.  
  
Olga: So instead you put a camera in my apartment?  
  
Hal: Well, actually I have a camera in every apartment room in this complex, but I know Fortune isn't going to get up and I wouldn't want to watch the Spy Kid family. They're all a bunch of losers! They would have found my camera if they were real spies. . .  
  
Olga: You mean the kids from that movie? Does Antonio Banderas live here too?  
  
Hal: No, no, no. Not the movie Spy Kids. It is a real family of secret operatives. I have a camera there, but I don't keep them under surveillance.  
  
Olga: Why not?  
  
Hal: Why not? It's more like why.  
  
Olga: Oh, you'd rather watch your Russian friend, huh?  
  
Hal: If I just tell you where the camera is, will you just leave me alone?  
  
Olga: Sure.  
  
Hal: Ok, the camera is up in your smoke detector.  
  
Olga: Thanks! Bye.  
  
Olga runs out and Hal relocks his door. He creeps back to his computer and sees Olga on the screen reaching up to a smoke detector and unscrews it. Then she seems to find what she was looking for and Hal sees her use her gun and shoot the mini-camera. A loud bang is heard over his speakers. Hal switches his camera over to the Spy Kids apartment. He sees the wife who he thinks is in disguise because of the handle-bar mustache. The husband also has a handle bar mustache.  
  
Hal: Jeez, last week they had imperial goatees. Now they all look like a bunch of Mario and Luigi's.  
  
Then on his screen two kids appear wearing pajamas and handle-bar mustaches.  
  
Hal: Good God!  
  
He quickly turns his computer off at that last sight.  
  
Hal: Off to bed for me.  
  
Back at Olga's house, she sees Hal on her computer stumble to his room.  
  
Olga: (laughing) Never trust a Russian, Otacon! 


	4. Raiden Returns Home

Chapter 4  
  
That morning, er, noon, Snake pulled himself out of bed. He felt his face and felt the scruff of his beard. He also felt a slickness of saliva on the side of his head. He reached around his bed feeling for a pair of underwear. He pulled those on, put his headband on and left his room. He saw the look of many pairs of eyes following him as he walked to the bathroom. When he left the bathroom, the eyes were still staring at him.  
  
Snake (bewildered): What?  
  
Olga: Oh nothing Snake. Nothing at all.  
  
Snake: Oh good, I thought my zipper was down or something.  
  
The sound of Otacon slapping himself on the forehead can be heard coming from the kitchen. Otacon is making a lunch of frozen pizza's and diet Dr. Peppers. Snake sat down on the couch and realized he wasn't wearing anything but chonies, shrugs, and snags the plate of pizza and soda from Otacon.  
  
Snake (pointing at the "Diet" logo): What the hell is this?  
  
Otacon: Snake, I grabbed the wrong thing, get off my back.  
  
Snake: Stupid diet crap. Do you see any "Diet" Jagermeister? No. "Diet" Cheap ass Vodka that Olga gives out? No.  
  
Olga: Hey!  
  
Otacon: What about beer? Miller "Light." Coors "Light."  
  
Snake: Whatchyou talkin' bout Hal?  
  
Fortune: I'm talkin' bout a pair of pants.  
  
Snake shrugs and Otacon takes a big deep breath. He goes into Snake's room and emerges with a T-shirt and some shorts.  
  
Olga: You going to dress him too?  
  
Otacon looks over his shoulder and gives Olga a dirty look.  
  
Otacon: No, I think Snake can do that by himself.  
  
Snake: Shhhhh!! It's twelve. Hamtaro's on.  
  
Everybody looks at Snake in a surprised look as his clothes magically appeared on his body in the blink of an eye.  
  
TV: Let's go Ham-Hams!!  
  
Snake: Let's go!  
  
TV: Oh my gosh! If Boss doesn't get his Christmas presents, he'll be sad!  
  
Snake (loudly): Oh no!  
  
TV: Don't worry, Hamtaro will save us!  
  
Snake (relieved): Thank god!  
  
Everybody else just watch in confusion because at the slightest movement Snake gives them that "make a noise and you'll loose an ear" look. Otacon started to fidget and Snake threw a can and beamed him in the head. Otacaon started to reach up to rub where the can hit, but he thought better about it. The show ended and an audible sigh of relief can be heard coming from the group. Just then, a knock on the door.  
  
Otacon (to Snake): You going to get that?  
  
Snake: Nah, probably some bum.  
  
Otacon: Oh, the bums that get off of the street and just knock on your door for cash.  
  
Snake nods profusely. Olga grunts and gets up to get the door. An angry face is on the other side.  
  
Snake: Where's my gun bitch?  
  
Raiden: I hate you!  
  
Snake was up and had Raiden in a chokehold before Raiden could pull the Socom on him. Snake reached into Raiden's suit and got his gun back. Then he released Raiden.  
  
Raiden: I guess I'll just forget the whole getting shot thing. I forgive you Snake.  
  
Snake (giggling and muttering to himself): Just like when I was a kid, all the kids forgive. Then BAM! There whining in the sandbox because Dave choked them out.  
  
Otacon: What was that?  
  
Snake: Oh nothing. 


	5. Raiden Watches Fat Man Eats Italy

Chapter 5  
  
Raiden had magically gotten the television remote control (well, Snake was taking a nap) and was flipping through the channels. He got to the Food channel and "Fat Man Eats Italy" was on.  
  
Raiden: Hey, my favorite cooking show!  
  
Otacon: Aren't you guy's enemies or something?  
  
Raiden: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Now what I want to know is why that big C4 thing didn't fall out of his ass when I fought him.  
  
Otacon: Well, as much as I'd like to hear about Fat Man keestering huge C4's I'm going to go look up some Hen- er, Anime.stuff.  
  
Raiden: Wait, I know! It's because his bowels relaxed when he died!  
  
Fortune got up and proceeded to smack Raiden upside his head.  
  
Fortune: Shut up! He's making a sheep soufflé!  
  
(Fat Man)TV: Okay, first you have to wash your hands before you cook. (To his hands) Oh my sweets, we have crafted masterpieces together, haven't we?  
  
(Hand)TV (in a high pitched voice): Yes we have sir!  
  
Olga: Fat Man's been taking his ventriloquism classes on the side again, huh?  
  
Raiden: Yup, they did this thing on E! and it said that he's still addicted to ventriloquism and making bombs, but he claims that they're wrong. Maybe he's up to something?  
  
(Fat Man)TV: Ok, then you shove the huge hunk of C4 in the turkey like stuffing, right? Then you make sure that the detonators are in just right and you're ready to do one bang up job with your turkey! *Laugh-track laughter follows* Well, this is Fat Man saying, "Laugh, and Grow fat!"  
  
Raiden: Shut up Fat Man! Stillman had your number!  
  
Fortune: He's not dead, you know.  
  
Raiden: Yeah he is, I saw the corpse with my own eyes.  
  
Fortune: That's just what the Patriots want you to think. Who do you think invented the Zipper?  
  
Raiden: Whitcomb Judson, everybody and their grandmothers know that!  
  
Fortune: No, it was the Patriots!  
  
Raiden: That's not true. Now Santa Clause, he's not real, just like the Easter Bunny.  
  
Snake (waking up from a dead sleep in his room): Not real!?! Santa's real! (Snake busts out of his room wearing a stained Hamtaro shirt) Geez, you sure are stupid Raiden. That's what you get for having the president for your dad. And the Easter Bunny? There's no doubt that he's real, I saw him at the mall when Otacon took me with Olga.  
  
Raiden: That reminds me, did I ever get you back for posting all those naked pictures of me at the mall?  
  
Snake (laughing): You should have seen the look on your face when you realized that everybody knew what you looked like naked. You shouldn't have been walking around Arsenal Gear all naked like that.  
  
Raiden: Hey, it's not my fault they took my clothes!  
  
Olga (giggling): Well, that actually was my idea.  
  
Snake: I wouldn't know, I never paid any attention to those parts. All I remember is that you couldn't go into hanging mode. Damn that Colonel. His words still haunt me.  
  
Snake starts to go into convulsions and starts spouting off Campbell lines.  
  
Snake: I need scissors! 61! SNAKE, INFILTRATE THE FORTRESS GALUADE!!! WWAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!  
  
Raiden: Heh, sucker.  
  
Snake was behind Raiden in a blink of an eye and had Olga's knife pressed firmly to his neck.  
  
Snake: Make one move, and I'll cut ya bitch!  
  
Olga: Hey, that was in my pocket just a second ago.  
  
Otacon appears in from his room and lands a well placed M9 round to Snake's leg.  
  
Snake (lazily): Hey, that wasn't very.nice. (Snake collapses and happens to knick Raiden on the cheek before going out. Raiden is seen in the bathroom pouring about half a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on the cut.  
  
Raiden: I need a band-aid! 


	6. To the Movies!

Chapter 6  
  
Snake can be heard snoring loudly because of the tranquilizer round that can supposedly take down an elephant.  
  
Raiden: Geez, I cant hear the damn TV!  
  
Fortune (looking up from a Glamour magazine): Suck it up. Quit bitching about everything and do something for a change.  
  
Raiden: You're right!  
  
Raiden enters his room and is wearing his brown-hair wig (the one that gives him unlimited ammo) and a USP.  
  
Raiden: (To himself) You've made fun of me for the last time. . . Time to die, Snake!  
  
Raiden enters Snake's room and the sound of someone getting thrown on the ground can be heard. Then inaudible words can almost be heard. A high- pitched shrill is heard, then a gunshot. Snake emerges from his room, holding Raiden's USP.  
  
Snake: Who put him up to it?  
  
Olga/Fortune/Otacon: . . .  
  
Raiden stumbles out of Snakes room, somewhat laughing.  
  
Raiden: I came prepared this time! (Raiden holds up his shirt and his body- armor can be seen.)  
  
Snake: I'll aim for the head this time!  
  
Otacon, being the quick thinker that he is, had the Hamtaro theme song bookmarked on his start menu. The song starts to play and Otacon turns up the volume. A calming look can be seen on Snakes face and he drops the USP. Raiden lets out a sigh of relief.  
  
Snake: SHUT UP! (Snake throws a roundhouse punch and Raiden is knocked out) Hah hah.  
  
The song ends and Snake walks into the kitchen and grabs a fourty-ouncer.  
  
Olga: We need to do more stuff, you know. We should get out.  
  
Snake: Where should we go?  
  
Otacon: There's a new PC shop around the corner. I hear they sell porn games too.  
  
Fortune: Don't you just order those online?  
  
Otacon: Well, actually I do. Olga just said that we should get out more.  
  
Suddenly a knock on the door and Otacon goes to get it.  
  
Otacon: Oh hi Rose.  
  
Rose: Hi! I just wanted to know if you guys were up to going to a movie.  
  
Otacon: Yeah sure. Come in, we should be ready pretty fast.  
  
Rose (looking at Raiden): What happened?  
  
Snake: Oh nothing. Just give me a sec.  
  
Snake pulls out the coolant spray and starts to spray Raiden on the face. His face gets soaked fast and Raiden jumps to his feet. Snake continues to spray him.  
  
Raiden: Damn it Snake! Knock it off!  
  
Snake smacks Raiden in the head.  
  
Snake: Don't you EVER raise your voice to me again! . . . Give me a sec to finish my beer and we'll be on our way.  
  
Snake downs three-fourths of his fourty-ouncer in about three seconds. Then he goes back into the kitchen and grabs another.  
  
Snake (to Rose): Think you can smuggle this in your purse?  
  
Rose: Sure.  
  
Snake (reaching into pants): Think you can smuggle this in your-  
  
Rose slaps Snake.  
  
Snake: What? Was it something I said? 


	7. The Lobby

Chapter 7  
  
In the parking lot, the group was looking for Snake's Hummer. It was easy to find, because there was a big neon light that said, "Snake's Hummer." The group piled in and Snake peeled out (Note: Drunk driving isn't good my friends, but Snake isn't drunk. His BAC isn't even .01 yet.)  
  
Snake: So, where we headed?  
  
Rose: The movie theater.  
  
Snake slams on the breaks.  
  
Snake: What? I thought we were on a beer run.  
  
Otacon: They'll be beer at the movies, Snake.  
  
Snake: Oh good. 'Cause for a second there I thought that we were going to the movies.  
  
Rose pointed the way to the movie theater. When they started walking up to the theater, the big "CINEMA" neon sign was flashing.  
  
Snake: I've never heard of this liquor store before. . .  
  
Otacon: Hamtaro's inside.  
  
Just then, Snake burst into a sprint to the front door. The gang caught up to him as he was waiting in line. He seemed to be running in step with excitement.  
  
Ticket Seller: Hi, howya doin' tonight?  
  
Olga: Good. I'd like four adults and one child for "Escape From LA."  
  
Snake (to Raiden): See, if you'd watch movies, this is where I came up with the Plisken name. Dummy, you should have known.  
  
Raiden: What's going on? I wasn't paying attention.  
  
Olga turned around and handed them their tickets. Snake got the child one. Then they walked up and they gave their tickets to the ticket taker. His nametag read "Johnny."  
  
Johnny: Number four on your left.  
  
Rose: Thanks!  
  
Johnny (stomach grumbling): Not again!  
  
The sounds of flatulence can be heard and then an awful smell can be smelt. Then a brownish colored substance came out from his pant-leg.  
  
Johnny: Uh. . .that's supposed to happen. (Smiling) Yeah. . .  
  
More of the crap rolls out of his pants, followed by more flatulence.  
  
Raiden: Just decided to stop holdin' it, huh?  
  
Johnny: Yeah, I just figured to stop fighting it.  
  
Johnny shakes his leg to get the last of the feces out.  
  
Fortune: Nobody cares?  
  
Johnny: Not yet. . . Well, enjoy the movie.  
  
Group: Thanks.  
  
Snake: Where is he?  
  
Otacon: Who?  
  
Snake: Hamtaro!  
  
Rose: Snake, didn't you figure it out when Olga ordered tickets for "Escape From LA?"  
  
Snake: . . . STOP TAUNTING ME!!!  
  
Snake pulled out his Socom and was about to shoot Raiden for no good reason. Olga intervened.  
  
Olga: Does Snake want a time out?  
  
Snake (Shamefully): . . . no.  
  
Olga: Then don't make me take your socom away from you. Let's go watch a movie.  
  
As they walk to number 4 on the left, the sound of Johnny crapping can be heard.  
  
Johnny: Not again! 


	8. Getting Food

Sorry it's been so damn long since I wrote a chapter. Sorry about all the Raiden-bashing, but I really don't think you mind. Metal Gear and all of that crap is trademarked to their original people and stuff like that. So now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you all have been waiting for.  
  
CHAPTER 8:  
  
As the gang walks to their theater, an old lady walks into the theater and slips on the diarrhea that has slicked the entrance.  
  
Raiden: "Escape from LA?" . . . I remember seeing that movie a few times. . . His . . . name . . . WAS SNAKE! OHMIGOD!!!  
  
Snake: Hrm? I hear me name be call-ed.  
  
Otacon: C'mon Snake, don't play dumb.  
  
Snake: Whose playing?  
  
The big neon lights for the concession stand can be seen now to our heroes.  
  
Olga: Hmm . . . Maybe I'll get one of those . . . hot dogs that you Americans like so much.  
  
Snake (with a wide grin): I'll get me some al-ke-hall. . . Hey, little beeotch, go save us some seats.  
  
Nobody answers. A few seconds later Snake turns around and punches Raiden in his formerly-wounded shoulder (they gave him an IV drip of rations).  
  
Raiden: Waaaaaah!! (Tears run down his face) I got shot there a few days ago *sniff* and you go on and hit me.  
  
Rose: C'mon Jackie poo, you can do it for me. Besides, don't you remember the time when we went to the store and I wanted to get Home Pride bread and you said 'No, I want Wonder bread' and we argued for thirty minutes while the tourists-  
  
Snake: Shaddap, the Metal Gear name got tarnished when you had to have your romantic crap in the story. Geez, that really pissed me off, only having like ten percent of the game. . . You are SO lucky that Substance came out. . .  
  
Otacon: But Snake, Raiden's love story is in that too.  
  
Snake: THAT'S IT!  
  
Snake swings a punch at Raiden but misses because Raiden ran off screaming with his hands waving in the air at the sight of Snake with a fist.  
  
Raiden: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone in the area looks in his direction and laughs at the mere sight of him.  
  
Finally they get to get to the concession stand.  
  
Snake: Er, I'd like a Budweiser, a Coors, one of them Absolut vodka things. . .  
  
(This goes on for a while)  
  
Snake: . . . Maybe one o' them JD's, and hell, give me sommadat whiskey that we get from Canada.  
  
Clerk (bewildered look on her face): Um sir-  
  
Snake: Yeah, the liquor store charges only seventy bucks. (Proudly) I gotta discount.  
  
Random Genome Soldier standing in line: Ah c'mon, hurry it up over there, I'm tryin' to catch a movie! (A look of recognition goes over the Soldier's face) HEY! IT'S HIM!  
  
An exclamation mark goes over his head and everyone except Snake and Olga dive behind the counter as a loud alarm can be heard. The guard reaches for something on his back. A radio emerges and he starts yelling at it.  
  
Guard: It's the enemy, I ne-  
  
Snake emptied a clip of ammo into his head before he finished.  
  
(Over the radio): What's going on, respond?  
  
Then a random guy who just bought a hot-dog walks in Snakes sight.  
  
Random guy: Lah-dee-dah-dee-dah. . . It's such a beautiful day.  
  
Snake shoots the hot dog out of his hand and the hot dog flies across the room, bounces off of the far wall and lands in Snake's outstretched hand.  
  
Radio: Send the ba-  
  
Snake flips the off switch on the radio and the gang emerges from behind the counter.  
  
Snake: Beer please!  
  
Meanwhile. . .  
  
Guard in Security room: Damn! He turned the radio off! Now he can make a clean getaway and I don't care! But if he didn't turn that radio off. . .  
  
Back to Snake and the gang.  
  
All (singing): O, Let's go to the mooovies, Oh, let's go to the moooovies, Oh let's go to the moooovies. . .  
  
The Gang finally makes it to theater number 4 on the left.  
  
Snake: Wait. . . Movies? 


End file.
